have your way

TUESDAY, JANUARY 10, 2012

"...You never said the road would be easy..." Ever since four haunting words were expressed to me, it's like my entire world has started to slowly crumble away. So many questions run through my mind and of course not everyone of them can be answered. But in all honestly, I NEVER thought I could go through something so devastating. Who does right?! However, Heavenly father has given me the most strength and courage I ever thought I could receive. Why? I'm not quite sure. Time will tell I suppose. I like to believe it's the strength I once had but was lost through all the pain & struggles over the last year. Most people think others can't possibly have the desire to change in an instant and I disagree completely. I think when people find that inner strength; that spark that lights their fire/desire to become who they once were or who they know they can become; possibilities are endless. Now, with that being said it does still require work and dedication to be who you are searching for or change your imperfections to better yourself.

Needless to say, I've grown to change!

So quickly?
YES!
How?


My Heavenly Father; listening to my prayers and helping me alongevery step of the way like the song says by Britt Nicole: 

"Have your way"  says,

"...you never said the road would be easy,

But you said that you would never leave.

And you never promised that this life wasn`t hard,

But you promised you`d take care of me..."

I just love that; there is so much truth in those words.


Moving up to Utah I had a lot of things I struggled with...


1. Being SO far away from my family
2. A new ward where I didn't feel comfortable in
3. Feeling like I didn't know enough because I am a convert to the church
4. A FEAR of praying out loud, talking in church period.
5. Going to the temple because it was all new and strange to me
And the list goes on...yes I'm one fearful person and trust me I wish more than everything that I was NOT so fearful!


However, three weeks ago I would have never thought to go to the temple ALONE...and as soon as I returned to Utah after christmas that I did! I was not nervous one bit which is strange for me as you read my list above, but that fear was no longer there. Also, I offered a prayer for Leavitt and I and I know most will say big deal but for me that was a HUGE stepping stone for me. Desire to change I think so! =]


Yesterday, my dearest friend and her husband and I attended the temple for an endowment session which terrified me more than anything before but again my nervous were clam and I was filled with the spirit. And to my surprise I remember half to an extent what to say at the veil! I was ecstatic! I can hardly wait to continue to go again and again until I have it memorized! =] Also, that were on the topic of the temple I purchased all my temple clothing! I was so excited and proud of myself. My fears have somehow been lifted within days! Again, it comes to the question of how does that all of sudden happen and the only way I can answer that is with the help of my Heavenly Father!


I haven't been good at all reading my scriptures on a daily basis and plan to also change that! I have almost completed the first book of Nephi within four days and plan to finally read the Book of Mormon from start to finish!


Now, I know change isn't as easy as I'm making it sound. It's not just a snap of the fingers and all your imperfections and weakness are gone and you're perfect. It takes work, lots of it, consistence, dedication and also desire! But that desire is burning inside of me and boy I'm I set on continuing to do my Fathers will. Working on myself not for others but for myself because the happiest I've ever been was when I was the closest to the Lord and that's what I intend to so and focus on and let Him have his way.