TUESDAY, JANUARY 10, 2012
Well I woke up today. Late for work, but I'm alive and that's all that's really important right?! I'm not quite sure how to express today other than its been a slight up & down roller coaster of emotions. For two reasons mainly, but I won't discuss those. It is very true though "You never know how strong you are until being strong is the only choice you have". I have faced many trails and hardships before, and I have always learned from them and became stronger, but this just seems so impossible sometimes; never ending really. This is the hardest thing I have ever gone through! And I have to fight everyday to stay out of that dark, empty hole that satan tries so hard to convince me that's where I need to be. Well, he's wrong VERY wrong. I am a survivor! And best of all I'm a lot stronger than I ever thought was possible. Yes, I have good and bad days but even the 'bad days' I'm ok. Life will go on right?! It has to, so I do too!
I had my first individual therapy session tonight and it went very well. I never thought I would ever have to go to therapy but I guess there really is a first for everything. ha. Shocking, I wasn't nervous where as before, as you all know I'm not a talker to strangers. I'm very quiet and reserved around people I don't know or hardly know. I guess my progress is a lot better than I thought. :) I usually get really emotional and you can hardly understand a thing I say but surprisingly I held it together; with a few blubbery moments here and there. He is a very direct guy and will push me to be better. Which, I love. I need a push here and there to make sure I'm doing the things I need to do and to heal myself of all the pain and hurt I have. I recorded the session for my own personal use to go back and refer too...not sure if I was suppose to do that but I did it anyways haha. Anyways, he told me I'm on the right track and where I should be through all this so that's a plus. I'm doing something right.
Came home. showered. ate dinner (my favorite Mocha Almond Fudge!) folded some laundry. read my scriptures. now off to bed. early morning that i'm not looking forward to, but after tomorrow hopefully i never have to deal with it EVER again. =/
I had my first individual therapy session tonight and it went very well. I never thought I would ever have to go to therapy but I guess there really is a first for everything. ha. Shocking, I wasn't nervous where as before, as you all know I'm not a talker to strangers. I'm very quiet and reserved around people I don't know or hardly know. I guess my progress is a lot better than I thought. :) I usually get really emotional and you can hardly understand a thing I say but surprisingly I held it together; with a few blubbery moments here and there. He is a very direct guy and will push me to be better. Which, I love. I need a push here and there to make sure I'm doing the things I need to do and to heal myself of all the pain and hurt I have. I recorded the session for my own personal use to go back and refer too...not sure if I was suppose to do that but I did it anyways haha. Anyways, he told me I'm on the right track and where I should be through all this so that's a plus. I'm doing something right.
Came home. showered. ate dinner (my favorite Mocha Almond Fudge!) folded some laundry. read my scriptures. now off to bed. early morning that i'm not looking forward to, but after tomorrow hopefully i never have to deal with it EVER again. =/
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Something I remind myself everyday. ^
Goodnight.
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